Flagrantly Random

Let me admit it: grammar fascinates me. It’s why I’m the often the go-to guy for proof-reading, and one of the (many) reasons I don’t have a MySpace page. You know those people with OCD that must dust their houses once a day and wash their hands once an hour? I’m like that with grammar. I enjoy fixing it, but when I can’t, it annoys the shit out of me.

Good grammar is an important skill. It’s one of the first indications of a person’s education and intelligence, and in situations like job interviews or first dates (which are surprisingly similar) you don’t want to fuck it up. And while MS Word’s wiggly red underlines have negated the need to ever learn how to spell properly, its grammar correction still needs work.

However, instead of moaning about the falling standards of English today, I have decided to become pro-active. So without further ado, let me begin a possibly-recurring segment to this blog entitled “Grammar Time!” with its first instalment, “Me & I with friends”.

This one came to my attention courtesy of my girlfriend and one of my housemates, both in their third years studying to become teachers (of English, no less!). Please allow for some embellishment of story, as it happened a while ago (plus it makes for a more entertaining read).

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Housemate J was watching the news on TV when our local anchor said, “Join Kay and me after the break.”
J laughed, and pointed out his apparent grammar error. “He stuffed up. Shouldn’t it be ‘Join Kay and I after the break’?”
Me: “No, what he said was correct.”
Girlfriend pipes up. “Are you sure? I thought it was always ‘My friend and I’.”
“I can’t believe you two are getting a licence to teach next year. Yes I’m certain.”

Many times when a kid says “Can Billy and me have some ice-cream?” they are corrected with “Can Billy and I have some ice-cream.” Some people have had this sentence structure so drilled into their heads, they come to assume using “my friend and me” is wrong under any circumstances. But this is false. “My friend and I” and “My friend and me” both have legitimate uses in the correct context.So what’s the difference? “I” is used when you’re the subject of a sentence, “me” when you’re the object.

I am the subject of the sentence, but the object of the sentence is me.

To make things easier, there is a trick. If you’re ever unsure, take away the friend. If it still makes sense, it’s correct. Example:

Would you have sex with my sister and I?
Would you have sex with my sister and me?

While both are wrong morally, only one is wrong grammatically. So, to find out which, take away the other person and see how it sounds:

Would you have sex with I? - Incorrect.
Would you have sex with me? - Correct!

Therefore, “Would you have sex with my sister and me?” is the correct wording, but still should never be uttered. (Unless you are also a sister to her. And you’re both hot. And consenting adults. And even still, I’d have my reservations. But I digress.)

One more point of interest: putting your friend before you in a sentence isn’t actually better grammar, it’s just being polite.

Leave me a comment if you knew this rule or not, or have experienced a similar situation. Or just tell me I’m the fucking Hitler of Grammar Nazis.

- MC Grammar out.

P.S. Don’t bother searching this article for grammar mistakes; I already gave it the thrice-over.